during your journey
Meta * Anthony * Dawn * Tatiana *
Jaina * Min * Kei * Jaana * James * Stewart * Amy * Andrea * Arafelif you spend the night on shore
Peter * Stella * Vallea * Matt * Lily * Grey * Lazuli * Jon * Ayame * Kaze * Keelanand the mists rise up
shoujoparadise.com * Whispers in Print * Ochiba Anime * Muffin Films * Imo-Girl's Greenwood Page * The Gobblenator * Sinfest * Inuyasha * X-Entertainment * Slap to the Head * Tard Blog * Boy Meets Boy * Sluggy Freelance * cute boy webcamplease know that it is my breath
halfmooncafe.net * umass * transit * banana fish * pen * paper * wisdom/rants * caffeineas it heaves forth its sigh
archives
21.06.2003 * 26.03.2003 * 21.02.2003 * 15.01.2003 * 01.05.2002 * 09.02.2002 * 24.11.2001 * 27.10.2001 * 08.09.2001 * 02.09.2001 * 25.06.2001 * 09.06.2001 * 06.08.2001--Otomo no Yakamochi
For more information on "Two Tanka" and Otomo no Yakamochi, visit this site. This picture was taken from this site and was painted by Wu Zhen some time between 1280-1354. It was greatly edited by me, however.
New home! I am now at allcosmos.net, so for all your Jaimee ranting needs, you should go there. It has other stuff too. It even has Anthony's blog (like he ever updates). I will be archiving all this blathering there too, as well as my livejournal, if I get my butt into gear. Crazy!
I must have dreamed you:
Friday, March 18, 2005, 02:57 p.m.
You Are 24 Years Old
Tuesday, March 1, 2005, 03:07 p.m.
I approve.
-J
Sunday, September 12, 2004, 11:13 p.m.
Still alive, I swear.
Monday, August 23, 2004, 09:12 p.m.
Why isn't Azureus working...?
-J
PS: I'm better now; thanks, Jaina-pie.
Thursday, May 6, 2004, 01:20 a.m.
Okay, so I just spent the last hour or so crying uncontrollably. Why am I writing this? I need to get it out. Why in a public forum? Because at this point I don't care. Am I doing it for attention? Probably, but I'm crazy, so stand back.
A friend's therapist once told her that making a list will make it easier to conquer. While I don't necessarily believe that is true, I will do so anyway, so I can clear my mind and try and sleep.
1. I need a job.
2. I am fat.
3. I have no friends.
4. I am a drain on my boyfriend.
5. I have no life skills.
6. I'm not fun to be around.
7. I miss my best friend so much.
8. I am needy.
9. I am picky.
10. My mother doesn't seem to approve of anything I do recently.
11. I am lazy.
12. I am weak, and never want to admit it.
I think this is enough for now. I don't want to dwell anymore than I already am. I have to be up for work doing a job I don't really like anymore.
Night.
-J
Desperately. I'm feeling really worthless right now (my mother isn't helping) because no one wants me to do anything. I feel like crap. I know the job market is tight, but I'm smart and employable. I think that should count for something, but it doesn't.
Horribly so. Since December, I've gained 15 pounds. I almost cried when I stepped on a scale this past weekend. I need to do something drastic, but I can't really afford to.
Technically, this isn't true. But I certainly haven't seen anyone in ages. The most human interaction I've had has been Colin playing Starcraft with me. No, I'm not neglecting the fact that Jess and Anthony are awesome and spend lots of time with me. It's just that I had so many friends before, and now I can't seem to find them anymore.
I love him very much. So much that I can't express. He is amazing and wonderful and sweet, and shouldn't have to deal with me being crazy on top of his mounds of work. My place is to support, not to hinder. I'm failing miserably. I'm also terrified that I'll push him away because I don't want him to have to deal with me being unhappy. I did that tonight. I just didn't tell him how stressed I was and how close to tears I was the entire time we were at the diner. He knew, of course, that I was unhappy. But it's something different for me to admit it. I don't want to push him away, but I don't want him to feel that he has to deal with my crap. But he is kind and has guilt. I don't want to guilt him into being with me.
At the very least, I don't have enough to get a good job. I'm also messy, can't cook, and am scatterbrained.
Or at least that's what I surmise, seeing as very few people ever are around, and those that are are either obligated or dating me.
Dawn who? I never get to see her. There's so much that we've lost, and I am terrified we will never get that exact connection back. I miss her.
To the point of annoying everyone around. Ask Anthony.
Also to the point of annoying everyone around. Ask me why I don't have a new car yet.
Anthony moving in, not having a job, not getting my car, not being fiscally responsible, not getting car payments on time, not doing anything right.
It's true. I haven't even looked for publishers. I'm terrified of being rejected, despite my bravado.
Also true.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004, 12:24 a.m.
I feel stuck. I don't know. Stuck and restless? Frustrated? I spent the latter half of the evening just crying because I'm so stressed out over finding a stupid house and a job. I'm really worn out. Stupid little things are starting to drive me crazy. I feel like I have no money, and that is driving me crazy too. Ironically, I currently have more disposable income than I've ever had in my life. But unlike other times in my life, it is not being replenished.
Gable is pawing at the bathroom door so he can poo in the tub.
I just put Jess' computer box in front of it so he can't now.
Still clawing.
Sigh.
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted at life. All I want to do is sleep all day. I desperately hope I'm not getting depressed. I need a job so I can get out of this stupid mood.
Wah wah wah, my pussy hurts.
ARGH.
It may be too much to ask that I do something I don't hate.
Maybe I'm paying for the goodness of the other areas of my life.
I'm tired. I'm very, very tired. And it's not getting better, not at all.
I want to be somewhere that feels like home.
-J
Friday, April 2, 2004, 01:47 a.m.
Off to find Job 3.0. Maybe we'll get it right this time.
Also, I need to design blog layouts for myself and Sam, and learn CSS. Hmm...
-J
Monday, March 22, 2004, 12:14 a.m.
When will I become a grown-up?
So he decided to move in.
-J
Sunday, February 29, 2004, 09:10 p.m.
Today I accepted a job offer from Brockway-Smith that has absolutely nothing to do with my degree. I regret that a little.
Yesterday was nine months. That's ridiculous. I love him so much.
Also, I may or may not actually have a degree because UMass is a bit dumb.
And so I'm going to play Starcraft now.
-J
Monday, February 23, 2004, 07:16 p.m.
So. Here it is.
I had a ridiculously awesome Valentine's Day. He surprised me, suffice it to say, by exceeding my expectations tremendously. Where shall I start?
In the morning, we kind of bumbled around, brought coffee to Jess, and ate at the Donut Man. Tasty coconut coffee. That was fun. Then we hung around my house for a bit and played Rummikub (we are losers). Then, he was like: "Oh, I have to go home." By this point, I had figured out that he was cooking me supper. So he went, and I showered and put on pretty clothes as instructed.
So when he comes back, he walks in the door with an enormous vase of flowers. "Here, these are for you." Totally nonchalant. "Can you help me bring some stuff in?" I agree, and follow him, a bit dazed, out to the car. There is a ton of stuff (I got my feet wet in the lawn puddles) to bring in, and we do.
As we get in, he starts hauling stuff out of the bags. A white tablecloth. A candle holder. His apron. He pulls out two wine glasses and a bottle of red wine. By this point, I've almost passed out. Then he starts making lasagna, which I've been asking him to make me for forever, and he makes it deliciously meatless. Awesome. So tasty. He is very thoughtful. Anyway, he makes me spinach lasanga, salad, and garlic bread, pours the wine (I have to uncork it, as he has never done it before), and we eat.
It was fantastic. Utterly wonderful.
And I kept asking myself: where did this man come from? Why does he love me? How is it possible that there is anyone so nice? Dear God, never ever let me take him for granted.
I am terribly in love with him. He is the only one I ever want to be with. He is the most thoughtful person I know.
And then we want back to his house and played Starcraft and cuddled and then passed out. It was awesome.
So here you have it. Not only am I dating an incredibly romantic young man, but he also likes to do geeky things I like too. Also he is hot.
<3 J
Tuesday, February 17, 2004, 08:52 p.m.
So I need to be at work at 6:25 tomorrow, but I also find out if I'll be doing a new job. Weird.
I've been playing Starcraft with the boy. It's nice that he is just as bad as me. ;D
Okay, I think it is bedtime. I don't want to drive so early.
-J
Sunday, February 8, 2004, 10:24 p.m.
It turns out I don't deal well with ten and eleven hour days.
It also turns out that I don't deal well with the emotional stress that stems from being in between something somewhere. But I knew that.
Most of last night I spent making poor Anthony's shirt all wet.
It also turns out that I really like having money for food and other necessities. And that I actually owed taxes. That was rather awful to discover.
Fortunately I get paid tomorrow, but unfortunately, that needs to go solely to rent and bills. I desperately need another job. I desperately need these places to come through and tell me they want me. Also, I need to get dressed in order to go down to Hatfield to maybe get a job.
It was very cold in Montreal. I hated the cold. It turns out that one thing I'm even more of a wuss about is cold, and I feel very guilty about that. I feel like I ruined ice skating for people too, but I hope I didn't. I'm turning out to be much less of a good girlfriend than I'd hoped. Well. At least I make nice scarves.
I like Andrea's roommate a lot. She was a cutie-pie. I also desperately hope I didn't annoy Andrea with my fussing about the cold. My fifteen dollar Wal-Mart jacket didn't quite cut it in the long-run of things.
I am terribly grateful for Anthony and Dawn and Jess right now. They've been immensely good to me.
I'm very confused about the MTELs. If I want a teaching job, then I have to take them, but I also have to do student teaching? Laura told me no, but the MTELs seem to be tellng me yes. I need to talk to her and ask her again. I also need to sign up for them if I'm going to take them by Saturday. Blargh.
Okay, I have to make tea and get dressed so that I can call Mazda and go down to Hatfield. We will see how it goes.
-J
Thursday, January 29, 2004, 08:51 a.m.
OMG cutest tea holders ever. Jess and I are arts and crafts GODS. I need to figure out how to put hooks on the boxes to put the tea balls up. We will see, we will see.
I have to go to work today. Gr! I was hoping I wouldn't have a trainee because I am in a cleaning mood (again) and it is weird and I want to do something about it. Also, I really want to start quilting. Also, I have terrible cramps. :/
Also, I have to get all of those clothes out of my car so I don't go naked today, so I must be off. And I need a new layout. Where is my digital camera...? Time for a trip to the mall.
-J.Swe.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004, 12:08 p.m.
Well.
It's really true: the more things change, the more they are all exactly same, or the differences cease to matter.
-J
Wednesday, January 21, 2004, 02:33 a.m.
OMG so much cleaning.
The kitchen and the dining room are done, and they are gorgeous. I am currently taking a break. I need to clean up the corner by the stairs, since I know that is all my stuff. Mostly sewing stuff too. I really want to get started - and finished - on that quilt. Maybe I will take a picture of it when it is done. ;D
-J
Sunday, January 18, 2004, 01:23 p.m.
I hate feeling like I have the same qualities that I detest in other people. I hate that feeling so much. I think that's strange.
I sent out resumes today. WHEE. Everything is exciting in Jaimee-land.
Argh, I need to email Natalie. I need to figure out when I am free. When are we going to Montreal? @_@ Argh.
Okay, enough keeping Jess up.
-J
Thursday, January 15, 2004, 01:05 a.m.
Talk about the worst Christmas ever.
Ah well. I should be worrying about more grown-up things, like jobs. And sleeping. And car repairs. But mostly sleeping.
I go back to work tomorrow for the first time in like forever. I need a real job. What do I want to do with my life?
Well, no. I know what I want to do with my life. What can I do, rather, to make money in the meantime?
I have been dating this boy for a while now. There is a lot of poetry in him to me. I can no longer imagine my life without him.
Right now, my life is kind of a mess, except for him.
When did I get so lucky?
-J
Tuesday, January 6, 2004, 11:24 p.m.
PS: Who's checking my blog from LGRT again? Dorinda?
-J
Thursday, December 18, 2003, 11:16 p.m.
Last final tomorrow.
Grad school or no? Maybe I should just apply anyway to see if I get in. It's only $40, which is not bad. MFA then? I need GRE's for the other...
Good lord, I'm never going to leave this place.
My goal is this: to be all done tomorrow and then actually spend more than five minutes with my boyfriend.
It's funny that someone with whom you are sharing a car you don't necessarily see for more than five minutes at a time. Unless he is underneath his broken car, trying to salvage some of the exhaust system.
Sigh.
Last final. Ever. Ever ever ever. EVER.
-J
Thursday, December 18, 2003, 11:08 p.m.
I think this picture says it all...
Suffice it to say, I with my large and meaty feet, crushed his poor, pitiful, puny glasses, and was victorious (sort of). Because they needed to be cold soldered back together where I broke them, we did not have time to do that, so instead he went and got fitted for contacts. Now he is a pro. Also fancy. He looks pretty good, and it's nice to be able to clearly see his ridiculously gorgeous eyes.
Well. He's pretty cute no matter what.
-J
Must install new network card.
Sunday, December 7, 2003, 02:26 a.m.
Sometimes there are days when just nothing works out at all, and your hair freezes in the snow waiting for the car to warm up, and you misplaced your book for class that you were supposed to read, and everyone you want to see doesn't want to see you.
Today is one of those days, but much, much worse than that.
-J
Tuesday, December 2, 2003, 09:37 p.m.
ROAR!
Count down one week till my birthday. Come to HOT. Let me know. Roar indeed.
OMG, so much snow today. It turns out that one can have wet socks for 6 hours and still survive, as I did. Yay, bus training. SO cold and wet. ll I had on was jeans and a sweatshirt and a shirt and long undies on top. But it was still cold CUZ I AM A PUSSY WAH WAH WAH so there. Hmph.
This boy is still dating me and putting up with me and telling me that he loves me. Isn't that crazy?
I still have not related how he told me at first that he loved me. I shall now. It is a sweet story, but I am sappy. Very sappy.
So we were curled up on my couch downstairs, sort of me half on top of him, just relaxing and resting. One of those nice summer days where it is not too hot. In any case, I totally and completely had fallen asleep, and then half-woke up and shifted. He looked over at me and said, "Hey, are you awake?"
I, beig my clever and responsive self, kind of groaned and said yes.
He, being his sweet and ever-endearing self, with my head resting on his chest, said, "You know I love you, right?"
You would think that with such a sudden announcement of affection that I would bubble with joy and return that sentiment, which I at the time strongly felt. Instead, I jerked upright, stared at him wide-eyed, and said, "Whaaaaatt??"
Oh, the nervous look that flitted across his face! He repeated it, more subdued this time. "You know I love you, right?"
Of course, /now/ I would tell him, certainly! But no. I just clung to him a moment because I am a CHEESE and got all choked up. For a minute I just had to breathe and hold him, and then I said, "I love you, too," and that is my story.
And I still love him. He is still too good for me. Waaayyy too good, but that's all right. I like to think I treat him right.
/mushy
-J
Tuesday, November 11, 2003, 08:28 p.m.
The reason my last few entries are gone is because pitas had a harddrive that croaked and there are trying to fix it. We'll see if they are ever found.
In any case, the reason for this entry is that my birthday is in two weeks plus one day, and as of right now, we are going to be going out to eat (hopefully at House of Teriyaki... yummy Korean food), and anyone in the area is invited. Please give me an RSVP (AIM = IncendiaryWinds or email = IncendiaryWindsREMOVETHIS@hotmail.com)so I can make a reservation. Anyway, that's November 18th at HOT, probably around 7 or so because we have chorale until 6:25. So everyone should come. They can even bring a date. (Except me. I'm not allowed to bring a date. ;D)
Okies, so everyone come. Yup.
-J
Monday, November 3, 2003, 08:24 p.m.
Awesome poems I want to make songs to:
Death of You (Run Away)
Purty.
-J
Highway Song
Let Me Save You
Sunday, October 5, 2003, 04:18 p.m.
So much exhaustion. I need to sit down and do thesis, but whenever I sit at a computer, I get distracted. Except on Anthony's. I pound out papers on that thing. It's so weird. Maybe I should confine all my work-doing to his bedroom (though I somehow think that it would not always be so productive).
I am fairly happy, though. School is going well except for thesis, so we're looking at a Dean's List semester. It is raining outside. I have been dating this boy for four months, and it has flown by, and I feel like I know him so well, and also sometimes it feels as if we have not been dating at all. Err, that's coming out wrong. I still don't expect to see someone smile at me like that, or just to be happy I'm around. Weird. Weird weird weird.
Yeah. I really love this boy. I'm very spoiled. I feel like it's going to be pretty smooth sailing, mostly because he's so easy-going. I hear about issues Jess and Jon have and it just strikes me as peculiar. Ah well. I like working well with people. Especially hotties.
Must lose 100 pounds. Mmm.
-J
Thursday, September 25, 2003, 08:11 p.m.
Thursday, September 18, 2003, 11:47 p.m.
Here's links to that story I was telling you guys, about the girl who made up the boy who died in the September 11th attacks. It might be a little confusing because you don't know the people, so ask me if you need to know anything. In any case, from a purer voyeuristic standpoint this is entertaining. I just wish she hadn't hurt an awesome friend of mine.
Linkies (if they don't load at first, hit refresh):
I wish there were a more cohesive storyline here. I found one earlier, but I'm not sure I can find it again. We'll see.
-J
PS: I have the best freaking boyfriend in the universe.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/ljers4eternity/18973.html
http://www.journalfen.net/community/otf_wank/12812.html
http://www.ljdrama.org
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bubba_ray/37574.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/rhyein/287010.html
http://www.journalfen.net/community/otf_wank/13939.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/dialogue/50666.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/rhyein/287364.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/rhyein/287628.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/maliceshaw/200357.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/veuki/
Thursday, September 18, 2003, 11:03 p.m.
Really, the thing that is worst for me is that my grandmother will never get to meet him. That always makes me cry when I think about it, and I don't cry often.
Blargh.
-J
Tuesday, September 16, 2003, 10:34 p.m.
I AM FILLED WITH PUBLIC HUMILIATION. ARGH.
Sometimes, you know, sometimes...
Monitor is too big. Seering my eyeballs.
-J
Tuesday, September 16, 2003, 12:34 a.m.
It's nice to be able to see what I'm doing on a computer. My monitor is still dead, but that may be rectified this afternoon.
So yesterday I went with Anthony to North Attleboro (yeah, that kid is still hot), so that his father could look at my car and see if he could repair it. Let me list exactly what I got out of this deal:
a brand new power steering pump (with 40 miles on it... yup)
He got:
a bag of Jaimee's Sin Cookies
Not so impressive a trade.
So I feel kind of bad here. He did a LOT for me and I did not do so much in return. Should I send a card or something? I don't know. But my car is great now. Happy.
I should go pretend to work. ;D
-J
the three or so hours of labor to do that
a new headlight connector
the two of so hours it took to figure out what was wrong with the headlight and the five minutes to replace the connector
power steering fluid
yummy Chinese food
Sunday, September 14, 2003, 02:32 p.m.
My monitor is currently out of commission, so I can't update except from the boy's house or from school. Also, my computer is off, which is why the pictures are broken. Ah well. We'll see what happens.
-J
Thursday, September 11, 2003, 08:31 p.m.
Tuesday, September 9, 2003, 10:21 p.m.
Now the real question is whether or not that boy will ever update his blog as he promised.
-J
Saturday, September 6, 2003, 09:57 p.m.
Well!
So it seems as if my eighth semester of classes will go smoothly as promised. I need to get my thesis paperwork done, pass that one silly sociology class, and then I am done. Chorale will be awesome this semester, as both Anthony (hottie) and Tatiana (also a hottie, but not my type) will be in it with me. Yay. Excited.
I am exhausted, and since I go crazy when I get exhausted, I think I will go to bed. Perhaps I shall expand upon my adventures in college-land at some later date, because the sleeping time must be now.
Hm, I'm still terribly in love with this boy. Is cuddling in a graveyard creepy?
-J
Friday, September 5, 2003, 12:59 a.m.
Stop stop stop stop stop, brain. Yes, you. Stop being ridiculous in the bad way.
Good lord, why does it take the littlest stupidest things to set me off? Logically, I know exactly what is going on, but emotionally, WOO, emotionally I am becoming OMG so Scorpio. Must stop. It's all good. Relax. Yes. Relax.
Guh.
The rain is nice. The rain is comforting. I will now go sleep and listen to the rain. This only really happens when I'm this tired. I've been up 20 hours right now... I'll leave you to do the math. Yay, work.
-J
Thursday, September 4, 2003, 12:32 a.m.
Okay, yes. Guess who TOTALLY got pulled over about ten minutes after Colin told her she had a headlight out. As we were pulling into the restaurant. Full of people. STARING AT ME.
You only get one guess.
-J
Tuesday, September 2, 2003, 12:58 a.m.
Dorinda.
<3 J
Thursday, August 28, 2003, 09:26 a.m.
I'm wondering who keeps hitting my blog off Anthony's page, mostly because I didn't think anyone really visited his page... Maybe that's because he never updates. H8.
Camping tomorrow. So happy. Tents are joy. My mission is to find a tent for Tati and Colin so they have some place to sleep. Sigh. Jaimee is a good. ;D
Josiah spent the night yesterday and just left a few hours ago. Sometimes I think I want to have kids, and sometimes I'm sure I don't. He was really good today, but I was going a little bit crazy. If we ever do have kids, there will be much income going to the babysitter, I think.
Feminism is an interesting concept. I had a rant in my head the other day about it, but I've forgotten it. Instead, I'll briefly mention the insane teen mother I had on the subway yesterday while we were in Boston.
So this girl must have been no more than 20 at the oldest, and her daughter was probably about three. She wasn't doing anything horrible like hitting the girl, but she was mercilessly teasing her. She kept taking away a wrapper that the girl was fascinated with, and laughing at her when she started to cry. It was awful. I wanted to punch her. x.x Then I ranted in the car and frightened Dawn. ^^; Oops. I need to go take my tea out of the car, while I think of it.
<3 Jaimee
Wednesday, August 27, 2003, 10:29 p.m.
We are going camping on Thursday! I'm excited. I want to go canoeing. I like canoeing! I want to dump Anthony over in the canoe and laugh at him. :D I fully expect to be dumped over after that.
Mmmmm, Mars is close. Pretty.
I just woke up, so I'm non-sensical and happy. I need to go eat Frosted Mini-Wheats. TASTY! It's like an orgy of deliciousness in your mouth.
A note: Girls are potentially the strangest creatures EVER. Unfortunately, this does not exclude myself.
Another note: Boys are possibly the simplest creatures in existence, stemming from the fact that all they want out of life is food, sex, and video games.
Weird.
-J
Sunday, August 24, 2003, 12:42 p.m.
Three months of patience.
That's pretty good, huh?
Heh, school is starting soon. I hope I'll still see a lot of him. Otherwise I'll wither up and die from lack of oxygen. ;D
I am still a cheese.
-J
Friday, August 22, 2003, 11:28 p.m.
Ahhh, an hour to myself, all alone in the freezing air conditioning at transit. Nothing but me and silence and relaxation and Celeste pizzas.
AND EVERYONE IS HAVING FUN WITHOUT ME.
You guys are poops. Why do you have to schedule things on days that I'm working?? I'M SULKING NOW. Hmph.
Okay, I'm not really sulking, but I think that I should be fed as a reward for cleaning the bathroom today. What's that, you say? It was my chore anyway? Oh, hush. I still deserve food for doing work, right? Isn't that the concept of capitalism? Heh.
Gah. I guess this is going to force me to work on that quilt. I think if I didn't have to design it, it would be easier, but... It is a learning process, right? I hope that it is liked and not laughed at. x.x I am an emotional wuss.
Speaking of that, it was mentioned to me today that I am not losing my mind, and that Dave /is/ picking on me more than usual. x.x I feel vindicated, but I wish that it were untrue. Hnn...
So quiet. Transit is neat at night all alone, because it is quiet and cool and nice. And BUSES.
Okay. Quilt time.
-J
Saturday, August 16, 2003, 07:02 p.m.
Sometimes I'm more broken than I like to think I am.
-J
Friday, August 15, 2003, 07:50 p.m.
I guess what it is is not that I have no self-worth, because I certainly have that in spades; it's more surprise that another could value me so much. That just doesn't make as much sense, you know? Of course you do. ;D
-J
Thursday, August 14, 2003, 08:25 a.m.
Jaimee is officially skinny!!
No, really! I really don't remember the last time I was a single-digit size (I have never been fat, but I've never really been thin either), and my new jeans are roomy and a size 9. :D When I get to size 8, then perhaps I will be happy and dance around. It is good.
Still, there is another problem. The boobies are still 36DDs. Okay, if you are going to lose some weight, you'd lose it from your chest, right? No way. Hips and stomach, always my stupid hips and stomach. Argh.
Anyway, I'm happy. I haven't done anything different, except starting nobaby pills (yay, Jaina), which are supposed to make you gain weight anyway. The pill is probably the greatest invention in the world. I have not had PMS in three months. AWESOME. Also, three days of cramps has been reduced to 1. Yeesss... Excellent. Highly recommended. And skinny-making! This even despite my unusual (okay, so not so unusual... :p give me a break) consumption of ice cream and cookies and sugar this summer.
Mmm. Tati and Colin are coming back soon. This pleases me.
Also: I am a little stressed out at one of my roommates. I don't really know how to/want to explain it, so I shan't. Unless you buy me enough alcohol.
Silent Hill III! Hurray! Jess and I convinced Anthony to take SHII and entertain me with it. HAPPY! Scary monsters and creepy things and EEK! Heart heart heart. Heh.
I should go finish my soup in the sweet sweet air conditioning of downstairs. Yessss...
Mmm. Maybe being in love made me skinny. All that energy wasted in being dopey. Heh. Prolly.
-JAIMEE WHO IS NOW SKINNY (almost)
Tuesday, August 12, 2003, 12:39 a.m.
It makes me sad that spammers have discovered my hotmail account. I suppose it was only a matter of time, but still...
-J
Saturday, August 2, 2003, 07:03 p.m.
Okay.
So it turns out that I'm insanely in love with this boy. It's crazy. Dating someone (being in love?) is like being in an alternate universe. All of these weird things become possible and viable. Who knew that you could wake up next to someone and ponder their sleeping face? (Unfortunately, that doesn't really happen because we usually wake up at the same time. x.x Creepy.) Having another person so closely in one's life introduces all of their interests and their past and their dreams, and it's dizzying. It's fabulous and wonderful and beautiful and awesome, but so intimidating too. Anthony is completely a dream, and was even when we were friends. I honestly can't say I know anyone who is kinder or more helpful or sweeter. He's ridiculously thoughtful (in his own way, of course... ;D He's not a girl, after all). And thank goodness he has a libido that matches my own. Wouldn't that be awfully awkward otherwise? It amazes me how actually compatible we are. I mean, sure, we were really good friends for a long time. I helped him out a lot with getting over his ex when he was kind of broken (friends do that sort of stuff, right?). I knew what I was getting into. But still... x.x I dunno, maybe in a few months I'll be all jaded and normal about stuff, but it's hard to be right now.
But his birthday went well. I was pleased. There was no drama that I saw, if any at all. He liked all his presents. I was really happy. Food was pretty decent too. There were so many people there, which also made me really happy. I'm ridiculously proud of him, even though I've had no hand in who he's become. But everyone really likes and respects him, which also makes me happy. I'm completely thrilled that Dawn likes him. The only really important person he has left to meet is Meta, which will come eventually I know.
On a side note: Jeremy's girlfriend is amusing. Small world syndrome makes me dizzy. How does it connect? Jeremy and she are from Nashua and know some of my old high school friends (Catriona attended school with them too), and he lives down the hall from Anthony... I think I actually met Jeremy first, to be honest. He was in that class with me freshmen year, American Violence. I'm glad though. I'm glad Anthony didn't meet me when I was completely insane. It's good for both of us. ;D
What else? I haven't blogged very much recently because I've been working crazily. Oh yes! Apparently I'm a trainer now. SCARY! I can train people how to drive buses! Think about it... Granted, I know I've been doing it for over two years at this point, but still... I hope I don't mess anything up too badly. That would be slightly bad.
I need to email Sam and tell him about FT training... argh. Maybe my next blog layout should be buses. We all know I heart buses, and Lauren B. Yes indeed. I was really glad she came to Anthony's birthday. I'm terribly sad that she is going to be going away next year. Come back soon, LB!
Okay, I should go down and do dishes because I'm sick of looking at them. I'll burn a dancy CD tho first. Yes, yes I will. Upbeat. Wake me up. Need coffee. Always need coffee.
-J
Btw, did I mention I love Anthony? Yeah. I think I might have. Well, I do anyway. Really, the whole world should be fighting me for his affections, BUT THEY CAN'T HAVE HIM WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. No. He does not have a brother.
Saturday, August 2, 2003, 06:18 p.m.
2 BIZZY MOLESTING 2 UPD8, L8R!
Tuesday, July 29, 2003, 10:56 p.m.
Good lord, this boy is amazing. Just... amazing. Yeah, I'll keep him.
-J
Saturday, July 19, 2003, 01:33 a.m.
I swear that I am not dead. No, really.
Note to self: Don't forget your purse anymore. Especially not on the east coast when you need money and stuff. Dummy.
Next Tuesday = two months. Time flies, eh? Shocking.
There's so much I need to write down, poetry bursting from my fingers, desperate to fling itself into cyberspace (MAKE THE CHEESE STOP). Or my thesis project. Yeah, that.
I'd love to say I've been spending all my time at work and am now rich, but that would be a super big lie. I am not as full of lies as some people would have you believe. Really.
Hm, it's 5:39, so I ought to go. Must drive boys to frisbee, then head to Sunderland to unfilthify myself, then to softball game.
I think the hardest part is coming to terms with the fact that someone could care as much about me as I could about him. Is that strange? It's one thing to be honest with one's feelings and play the victim if you are trampled on, but for both parties to admit affection is sort of terrifying. I'll be so careful. I won't blow this.
Some boy said it would be a good idea to let his cat update my blog. I think it would not be so good an idea. -_-
-J
Thursday, July 17, 2003, 05:34 p.m.
Okay, cutest webcam pic 3VAR. Yeah, that's right. NAKED WEBCAM HAPPINESS.
Okay, so this boy is ridiculous. He makes me wax poetic far too often. Plus I am a cheese, which doesn't help. Did I mention he's an amazing kisser? Did I mention he's allergic to my cats but loves them anyway? x.x Did I mention that Peaches actually /likes/ him, which I always thought was at least a rarity, if not an impossibility?
Lordy.
I've been kinda sick. Really bad cramps this time around, plus tummy hurtings. So it's been a bit of a mess in my abdomen this week. It's okay - drinking with Dawn and Jess was mad fun, but I wish Anthony hadn't been feeling off. That boy makes me worry too much.
Dawn is so much fun though. I love spending time with that girl. She's gotta chill this way more often. Or I've got to head out there with her. ;D
I bought CDs today. O_o Dirty hippie music, but almost certainly not the singer you're thinking of. Plus I am not allowed to like t.A.T.u. anymore. ;D Canadians, here I come!
I am exhausted. It is amazing that when all I do is sleep that the mere concept of not-sleeping makes me tired. Okay, so I wasn't only sleeping... I also read Buttercup Festival and did errands. :D Exciting!
Okay, time to brush teeth and sleep. There is much work awaiting me for tomorrow, and many buses to drive. I am excited. Perhaps I shall attain the coveted 40 hours this week (though this is unlikely, because I cherish my time with that boy much more than I cherish my money), but we shall see. I'll pick up shifts as the need comes. I need to finish all sorts of training. Gah.
Sleep. Yes. Sleep.
-J
Friday, July 11, 2003, 01:34 a.m.
Okay, here are some pics from the wedding. They were taken with a cheap camera (though it cost a lot, stupid thing), but they came out okay. I shrunk them a bit so they won't take too foreverish to load. I like 'em. Yup, yup, I do.
Okies, here goes the list.
newfamily.jpg - I guess the title says most of it. I'm the one in the cherry dress on the left. My new step-mom Josephine is the one in the crazy pop star sparkles next to me. My dad is the one with the corsage in the tux. My brother Jon is the dumb-looking guy next to him. ;D
And last but certainly not least, my favorite picture - ilovethisboy.jpg. Well, I do, at that.
I hope this works. MPU's been acting up today. If none of these work for anyone, just let me know and I'll see if I can throw them up on amethyst. ;D Good night, all.
-J
crazykiss.jpg - Another one of those obvious ones. My dad kissing Josephine like he should have in front of the altar.
glow.jpg - It's easy to please my dad. Just give him a pretty girl to hold on his arm.
tongue.jpg - Probably not what you'd expect from the filename. I'll give you a hint: it's not my tongue.
cut.jpg - The cake.
munch.jpg - Dad feeding Josephine. Here it looks like he is being nice. What the camera missed is the next five seconds where he smushed it into her mouth.
shovel.jpg - Josephine giving him back his just desserts. Ha ha. Get it?
happyparents.jpg - Aren't they cute though?
pimpdaddy.jpg - Jon and Jess. Jess looks really cute and sweet, and Jon looks... well...
happyjess.jpg - This is a much better picture of the two of them. Jess looks like she is absolutely purring.
what.jpg - Some people just shouldn't be allowed in front of a camera.
potsmoke.jpg - That's what someone was smoking when they took this picture. Probably Jess. Yup.
oops.jpg - Okay, this is kind of a cute picture, but I am also one of those people who should not be in front of a camera. Ever.
angels.jpg - Yup. Of course there being three girls means we have to pose like this. You knew it had to happen.
myboyz.jpg - I love this pic. They all look so awesome.
huh.jpg - That's what it looks like he is saying. Okay, so my bro isn't the brightest kid around. He's got a cute girlfriend though.
cool.jpg - At least give him credit for trying to look cool.
carpose.jpg - I mean, Jon posed better than how this kid posed, right?
ghetto.jpg - Okay, it's hard to see what is going on in this pic, but here's the run-down. Jess and I have cigarettes in our mouths and a beer bottle between us. And we're in front of the church's sing. It's funny. Get it? Get it??
mmmgood.jpg - Better than soup, eh, Jess?
Tuesday, July 8, 2003, 05:14 p.m.
YAY!
My face looks fat in this picture even though I lost weight. :p Go figure. He, of course, looks darling, but that is to be expected. That is also the dress I wore for my dad's wedding, but wore sweater, not scarf for it. Sadly for this picture, sweater looked nicer.
Oh, he's so cute!!
-J
Thursday, July 3, 2003, 12:30 a.m.
So let's see... what did I not talk about? What? Everything? Okay then!
First, a note to self: STOP BEING INSANE. Twice is far too frequently. Relax. You are good. It is all good. Enjoy it. It will always be fine. Okay? Okay.
Second, my dad's wedding was awesome. Josephine looked gorgeous. Actually, everyone in our group looked great. Even Josiah looked cute. I can't wait to see the pictures, some of which I might post here if they come out awesome. I can't find my digital camera cord still, which is driving me crazy. Any ideas?
My mom really seemed to warm up to Anthony, which really made me happy, and he and Dawn also seemed to like each other a lot. Raaki! That makes me ridiculously happy too. I mean, it's pretty hard /not/ to like him, but still, I want everyone to get along. Wouldn't it be mildly annoying if two of my favorite people disliked each other? Yes, I think so. But it's not a problem, so I'm happy.
Speaking of which, Dawn will be visiting next week. Yay!! Happiness abounds.
We also went and played DDR at Funworld, and it made me realize how much I really like 5th mix. EXTREME is awesome too, but I really heart 5th mix. Sigh. I'm such a cheese.
Hmm... What else? Jon was grumpy and kind of annoying and yelly, which bugged me, but we had a good talk on the way home. That was good. At least I can be blunt and honest with him, even if he has very few concepts of what others think about him or in general. Jess is a very patient girl. I'm glad I don't have to be patient.
NO MORE DOGS EVER.
I went to the mall today with Shelley, and it was awful because I had no money. That was also good, because I owe people a lot of money and shouldn't spend it on clothes. It was also good because we had to focus on getting her an outfit for her interview, and not trying desperately and failing to make me look cute. ;D
Oh yeah, we also saw Cara, and there was much gossip to be had. Very interesting. Yes. Very, very interesting. I am repeatedly glad to be me. ;D
So overall it was an awesome weekend. That boy is way too good to me. We shouldn't fit 4 people plus luggage and groceries in my car ever again. I am happy with life. I expect this to continue. I am dreading school starting because it will limit my freedom. That will bug me.
I'm glad he's home safely. ^_^ Now only one more trip to Hadley, and then...! I am so easily pleased. I really am.
-J
Monday, June 30, 2003, 11:03 p.m.
Wow, long weekend. I'm exhausted, but suffice it to say, the wedding was awesome. I shall expand more upon this and my last post, for myself cuz I'm crazy :D, later as opposed to now. Sleeping time is soon. Bye bye.
-J
Monday, June 30, 2003, 01:03 a.m.
Ugh.
Thursday, June 26, 2003, 11:58 p.m.
Well!
The Hulk was so-so. Good acting, though, which was surprising and nice. Went with Dave to escape the 90 degree weather. Good thing it's supposed to be 96 tomorrow! Yay!
The date went really well. We went to Chandler's which is SO pretty, and lit almost entirely by candlelight. Someone who is not me was almost fifteen minutes late, but we still managed to get in before they cancelled my registration (hurray!). There were literally no other people in the restaurant, so it was amazing service. It was also delicious. We both got prime rib, which was way too fancy for me, but perfectly palatable anyway. Did I mention he looked adorable? Well, he did. Heh, he ironed for me, I'm so flattered. ;D
Anyway, it was really really good. I was and am happy.
The BBQ was mad fun too, with FreQuency playing (and losing). There was one sad part, but I don't have the right to explain that... :[
We didn't do anything at all today, but he installed my new hard drive for me (too much space! must fill with worthless things!) with a bit of difficulty, but it is good. When did doing nothing at all become enjoyable? Strange.
I am terribly exhausted, despite the fact that I forgot totally to go to my softball game. I am DUMB. But that was known beforehand.
Anyway, it's time for me to crash. Gotta do the dogs in the morning (SIGH), but that will be over soon. Thank goodness.
-J
Wednesday, June 25, 2003, 01:53 a.m.
Da da da da da!
Reservations have been made. I should go to the ATM in order to pay in cash and look rich and cute all at once.
Ha ha ha, imagine me looking cute, that's pretty ripe, eh? :D
Clothes clothes clothes! I should eat a veggie burger.
Hurry up and get home, boy!
-J
Sunday, June 22, 2003, 03:29 p.m.
This will have to do for now.
-J
Sunday, June 22, 2003, 12:55 a.m.
Right now I'm feeling complete trivial and transient. I don't like it at all.
I think there is thunder outside, but I don't think I care, either.
Argh. My brain can be really bizarre sometimes. Why should it be okay in concept and not reality? I know what's going on. Maybe it hurts because I know I'm not a part of it. Honestly, I probably never will be. But shouldn't that be okay? Probably, probably, but I can't bring myself to reconcile it. Ugh.
It's very, very cold tonight. Funny, I've been hot otherwise.
I worked a terribly long day today. For some reason, shopper shuttle didn't fly like it normally did, but dragged its heels unwillingly through the mud. 7.25 hours of that. Then Brian had an emergency open because Mark V.'s roommate's cat got attacked by some wild animal and he had to take it to a vet. So of course I drove it. It was the second half of the shuttle for Taste of Amherst, which I still want to go to. Maybe I won't, though, as it is looking that way. So anyway, nine and a half hours of work in the rain was too much and I am tired. But I have a half-hearted blog layout and a new dress. It shouldn't be so bad.
Now I just wait for him to come home.
-J
Sunday, June 22, 2003, 12:05 a.m.
Well.
It came out all right.
I dunno, I think my lesbians were better. But this is also nice and simple (which is funny, considering how much work I put into it :p).
-J
Saturday, June 21, 2003, 11:42 p.m.